MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she peed on how many people?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Are we still banned from the library?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
