I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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