the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize