You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
