I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
