your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
