i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
