I'm jealous of your bromance
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
