Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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