I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
