please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
