I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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