a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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