Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He? As in you personified your dick?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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