6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
