Can i not drive my cunt home
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
