i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think people are normalizing furries
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize