I like to think it a success when the cops are called
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
