I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
