i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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