So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
