living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
