You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize