i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
