Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
