well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
