i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize