the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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