I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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