we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
