Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
