i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize