I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
