I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
