watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
