Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I smell like Dick and happiness
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
