I am spending my child support on dildos
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
