Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
