that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Found the puke drawer
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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