Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
