I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
