I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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