I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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