That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
