dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
