can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
