Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
