counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My penis needs a shock collar
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
