If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You smell like stripper and shame
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
