Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize