fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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