i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize