my shit smells like andre
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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