When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
