my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
