This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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