to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
