I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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