you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
