I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize