Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
