The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
