I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
