i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
