Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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