i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We left the knife in your bed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
