You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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