do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
