I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize