Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
