You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
