I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
