we made out on top of his cat.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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