I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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