shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
