I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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