So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
