I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
