Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
